Scheana begins with fan questions. Hundreds were submitted took her a day to get through them.
For Ariana: How is self-isolating and her depression going? She said she was doing okay, the only thing was she was getting more messages on social media and had to work on not feeling like she had to answer every one immediately. She was also a little worried that she would feel overwhelmed with the regular pace of her responsibilities.
Brock says he hopes everyone comes out more educated on all matters of being a good person.
Tom says that he will be aware of playing poker in casinos and how dirty the chips are. He then describes what is a Sandy Bag ™ full of hand sanitizer and disposable gloves. (Tom Sandoval always shows up with his own “Sandy Bag” full of essentials to everything he’s involved in, he should start a side hustle. I would definitely buy a curated list or box from Sandy for an event I was planning b/c my man thinks of EVERYTHING!!)
Tom: Are you going to start a new band? He says Schwartz is actually taking DJ lessons and he’s going to start taking DJ lessons.
Scheana mentions how busy both she and Brock are. Brock has a new line of resistance bands coming out and he’s been crushing it with home workout videos due to self isolation.
Tom says he would love to do music, it’s low on the list. Working on whiskey with Shwartz, stricks men’s concealer and the Tom and Tom Cameos to support the employees.
Tom: How do you feel about Kristen and Ariana being friends and was there a moment it happened. Ariana says it’s old news, Scheana says since Seans 3 is showing now it’s fresh on people’s minds. She also mentions her wedding planner going off on IG stories.
Tom says it felt gradual, and Ariana said a step forward was when the girls went to see Britney Spears for Brittany’s birthday and that was a really fun trip.
Tom finishes up saying he’s really cool with it. Scheana ends by saying she got flooded with so many people asking if they would have a threesome. She wasn’t going to ask but wanted them to know.
Does Ariana feel support from the cast re: Jax says and her depression and her sexuality. Stassi reached out, of course, Tom and Scheana. But it’s also a heavy topic if you don’t see everyone all the time. Is open to more convos about it now it’s aired once isolation is over.
FMK Stassi, Kristen, Katie: Ariana would Fuck Kristen, Marry Katie and kick Stassi out because she leaves the furthest away.
Scheana says she picked Stassi because Stassi would do the same thing, but maybe now it’s Kristen, which is sad. Ariana says Kristen’s been kicked out of a lot of places lately.
Scheana said she would marry Kristen because she cooks, she cleans, I bet she’d scratch my back every night, she’d snuggle me.
Tom agrees with Ariana.
Where do they stand with Jax and how do they feel about comments about her sexuality? Ariana says they can’t say too much, but she doesn’t feel like she’s lost anything and it’s kind of gross to comment on anyone’s sexuality.
Tom says he doesn’t even know where to begin with Jax and the shit that comes out of his mouth. Maybe one day science will study his brain and tell him why...Brock says they’re struggling with corona right now but we will give them Jac problems.
They touch on Jax being on WWHL and the punishment from God comments. All agree Andy doesn't want to open that can of worms.
Producer Jerry asks how many rooms furnished left to go. Ariana closet being renovated. Master and two others done. They really need a dining room table.
Tom: Who had the best costume at his extra party? Beau with his combover and Stassi killed it. Also anyone who dressed like him.
Ariana liked Scheana and Dayna.
Tom excitedly says, “Hey you guys want to see something? I want to show you something!” and skurries off to go get it.
Ariana says to Brock and Scheana, “Show and Tell every time someone comes over and you guys are like, virtually over.”
Tom comes back with a jacket his friend Melissa had made using his image from the Bon Jovi video.
Fave Cocktail from their book Trashy and Fancy: Ariana Trashy was Bloody Desperate and Toms Trashy that he and Tom do before filming Cameos is I Don’t Do Coke. They had done 73 Cameos. Each is 1-2 mins long.
Brock tells him to play it on the trumpet and Sandy delivers with a tiny trumpet and plays the VPR theme song.
Ariana: fave Britney Spears memories. All behind the videos, and going to her concert in a fancy boutique. Turquoise, flowy sleeves and low cut jeans.
Tom says they saw her for Scheana’s birthday and Ariana got so emotional and it made him emotional.
Tom: Best 3 item drink Quarantini? Muddle Citrus into Clear alcohol and add whatever other juice/soda you have. Cosmo: 4 lime wedges muddled into simple syrup, vodka and dash of cranberry. Best cosmo ever.
If Jax wanted the Tom’s to switch places, why not ask them himself? Tom breaks it down: “I mean look, Jax is a fucking PUSSY, okay That’s all I can say, dude. The guy literally talks relentless shit about me on Twitter and then he’ll come into to fucking Tom Tom and high five me like we’re boys. Like I don’t see it just because he’s not @ me when he talks shit. This is why I finally said something when he was talking shit about me. I was like dude, this is your fucking wedding episode and you’re taking all of this time to talk shit about it. If you don’t like me, don’t fucking mention me. I should be nothing. You should just NOT talk about me."
Sandy says if he was mad he wouldn’t keep talking about it. He would talk the band, how magical the wedding was. How awesome the road there was.
Scheana says maybe scientists one day will get it.
When Sandy talked to individual people about the pastor everyone had their own things to say about it that were opinionated.
When Tom brought it up, all of them were like, hmmm no, HOW DARE YOU TOM?
They all talked about it, they all agreed and knew it was fucked up and then they all stabbed him in the back and threw him under the bus.
OG cast doesn’t like somebody and tries to get them kicked off of the show or excluded out of situations.
Sandy doesn’t understand and said after Kristen broke up he worried about his safety and didn’t try to get her kicked off. He said the show was them being forced into places where they might not all be getting along and the OG cast forgets that.
He says if he didn’t bring up the pastor stuff or the things wouldn’t have happened with the wedding what exactly would they be talking about on the show.
Scheana says in the old episodes how different things were.
Scheana and Ariana aren’t in her wedding for example, and that's fine have whoever you want in it. But they were friends with her first and now she will pop off on them and never Katie and Stassi and ponders if they have a pact.
Sandy says publicist it was a decision for her to be friends with them and says they’re friends now.
Ariana says they are all friends now, and how Lala won’t pop off on Katie or Stassi.
If Ariana was to pop off on Katie or Stassi or Lala, she would have ten people jumping at her. If they come off at her, it’s just her alone.
Sandy says he wishes they would understand how it doesn’t help the show or them.
Ariana understands wanting to protect friends, but it shouldn’t be so black and white. She wishes there would be more conversations about talking about the grey areas but also not turning it into a gang up.
Sandy says also letting it stay between the two involved. You can say well, maybe I agree with them or maybe I don’t agree with whatever but it’s between them.
Sandy cites the fight with Stassi and Katie came up yelling at him and belittling him in front of fans and whatever. Then Kristen came up and say he was jealous and yell at me. And then Schwartz come up and yell at me. And then Stassi coming up to yell at me. And then finally Lala come up and yell at me.
Tom said he shouldn’t have sent the text message, but there was a lot of history and maybe they don’t understand it all.
Ariana says wait, so would you say it’s not about the text messages? Everyone laughs.
Sandy says Katie is the "Shakespeare of Rage Texts"
Scheana agreed, said her words were vicious but she used really great vocabulary, especially at 6am.
Ariana says Katie should start a business were she composes rage texts. Start a Cameo or something like that where all she would do is rage text people.
Any moments you regret? Sandy says sending the stress texts to Stassi. Sobbing to Kristen. riana said Season 2 trying to be a good friend to Tom, and been like Fuck Tom I don't give a fuck, and people took it like she had a crush on him. She said Tom wasn't being a good friend to her at that point, laughing.
Fave Quarantine thing to do: Ariana said cooking, gardening, and general nesting behavior. Sandy likes to listen to an old school record player and he likes to have a cocktail and listen there.
He likes to mentally brainstorm and plan cool things for his house. He wants to install a secret passageway behind the wall.
Tom said biggest regret was that the house didn't come with one, and Ariana said, but what if...?
He's also building ax throwing pit. Ariana says he is NOT installing that. Sandy said he will just throw them during the day so it's not loud.
Tom has a foldable ax table idea etc, and Brock is DOWN.
They chat about trying to party together for Scheana's birthday. Ariana says definitely a Zoom party.
Are Stassi and Lala really that condescending? Ariana remembers early on in the season Lala said Ariana thinks she's better than everyone. She remembered Lala actually saying to Billie Lee and James that she was better than James. And now she's saying Raquel needs to know her place. She thought it was a projection.
Criticisms of you from a person on the internet, because you haven't spoken in awhile.
Sandy jumps in and says they gang up, they're assholes and they bully people. Then they get eaten alive on social media. Then they get mad at the people they were bullies to or assholes to like it's their fault.
Sandy says then they start saying Oh you think you're better than us, you're so self righteous. And Sandy is like, no. Why don't you just try to be a better person and not knock others down. Be respectful. Have compassion. Just be a better person.
Ariana says they then try to double down on why you deserved to get yelled at. Instead of having some thought that maybe I was wrong. She cites Jax as then double down to justify.
They said at the wedding Jax was so appreciative and they all agree.
They all say we had a great time, we all loved it.
They mention events that were all fun.
Ariana says the 4 of them stayed there all night having the best time and this was after they filmed.
She says Stassi tries to be condescendingly funny and will reel it in if it harms people. She said she's never seen what happened with Lala before.
Ariana said she wasn't going to walk out on Raquel, and maybe as long as if she was just there it was helpful.
Ariana didn't know what the fuck she was saying, said Lala was speaking word soup.
[Critique] First 2 chapters of a short story - 5320 words
I have received feedback that the action is falling into place to nicely. I wanted to write a red herring to make the pieces point to someone else but I was curious about other people's opinions. If it is too neat what is a good strategy to fix it. Any other general critique would also be helpful. Chapter One The air out was hot and filled with the dust as a man with a sword at his hip walked up to a side street. The man was gruff with a small unkempt beard that was barely visible under his well-used bandana made of red cloth that contrasted with his strangely blue eyes. As he walked into the alley the smell of burned flesh filled the air. “Hey, Quinn we gotta nasty one today.” Said a young man about 20 years old wearing newish bandana as he ran up from the depths of the alley to the swordsman. “They’re all nasty to you, Aiden.” Aiden shook his head at his boss with a light blush coloring his tanned cheeks. “Just come with me and see for yourself before passing your judgement,” Aiden said before turning on his heel and walked briskly into the dark ally. Chuckling softly to himself the man named Quinn followed Aiden using his long legs to quickly catch up with the younger man. The smell grew worse and worse as they walked down the ally. Eventually, they reached the source of the stench. A body that definitely seen better days. The eyes were hanging out of the skull and the gut had been slashed open. “Are both the middle fingers gone?” Asked Quinn with a hard look in his blue eyes. “Yeah, boss.” Responded Aiden with a worried look. “Great, that fucker’s back in the game then,” Quinn said with an exhausted sigh. With that, the sword-wielder and his apprentice started their work of gathering evidence and looking for clues of the body’s identity. The sun was sitting low in the hazy sky by the time the policemen had completed their search and emerged from the alley. “Take this back to the station, Aiden. I’m going to do some more investigating.” Said Quinn as he walked down the road in the direction of the setting sun. While Quinn walked down the street he took note of all the people walking home from work. Some were walking hunched over with bone-deep exhaustion that only happens from a full day of hard labor. While others were covered with thick jackets despite the summer heat that permeated the dusty air. “Mages,” he thought, “What a sorry lot.” He continued walking towards the setting sun into the port. The man pulled his bandana up to make sure it covered his nose. Bodies he could deal with but the stench of fish always had him close to vomiting. He stopped at a simple brick house with a faded sign that read ‘The Golden Sexton’ in pealing gold paint. He pushed open a faded blue door and walked into the bar. He pulled down his bandana and immediately headed to the bartender, a young woman who was talking to one of the costumers. She looked up at him and quickly excused herself from the drunk fisherman. “I need to talk to Fi.” Quinn said with a grim expression on his face. “She’s in her usual place.” The bartender said as she thumbed to a curtain behind the bar. “Thanks.” With a nod his head he put a silver coin on the counter and walked through the curtain. Once inside, he descended down the hidden staircase and approached a door guarded by a large wolf faced man. “That stays here.” The guard growled with a sharp glare at the sword on Quinn’s hip. “Come on, man. I am not a mage. Can’t a guy defend himself.” Quinn reached into his pants pocket and pulled out a card with a name, species, and an empty circle. The bouncer just glared that the man and made no motion to even look at the proffered card. “Fine, fine you win.” Quinn said with a sigh as he moved to take of the belt that held the sword in place and hand to the wolf hybrid. Who placed it in a little room to his left. “Now, can I get in?” asked Quinn in frustration. With a nod the guard unlocked the door and moved to side. As Quinn opened the door he revealed an underground casino filled with some of the city’s worst. Quinn spent little looking at the tables as he walked purposefully to a room off to the right of the action. Once inside he saw the person he was looking for: an older woman with pointed ears and a striped cat tail swishing behind her. She was wearing a red and gold dress that complemented her gold cat eyes well. She smiled exposing her fangs when she saw Quinn walking towards her. “Why if it isn’t my favorite human come to say ‘hello’ to Auntie Fi or are you here on different reasons, Little Quincy?” She purred at the man she called Quincy. He winced at the name a replied, “It’s just Quinn, Auntie, but sorry to disappoint you but I ain’t here to make small talk. There has been a murder.” “Dear will always be Little Quincy to me and this a city what’s so special about a murder that you had to come all the way out here to see little old me? I know how much you hate the smell of fish.” At the mention of fish Quinn grimaced. “Their middle fingers were cut off, Auntie.” “No it can’t be him, the streets have been quiet!” Fi exclaimed as she jumped up from her perch and paced back and forth as her tail swished side-to-side in agitation. “First, one of the Shadow Pairs defects to Talvi and now that monster’s back in action.” Fi mumbles to herself. “Hold up, go back what do you mean on of the Shadow Pairs defected?” Quinn questioned wide eyed from shock. “It means exactly what I said this isn’t time for you to be slow, Quincy!” Quinn frowned at the tone of Fi’s voice. “Sorry, Quincy I am just agitated about this new development.” “It’s fine, Auntie Fi.” Quinn sighed, “So you don’t have any information about my murder?” “No, but I’m going to send out my runners and damn will find out.” “Thanks Auntie, I’ll take my leave and figure out things out on my end.” Quinn leaned in to give the hybrid a quick hug as he she whispered a quiet ‘be careful’ in his ear. Quinn left the casino and grabbed his sword from the wolf guard, who appeared to be wearing a smug smile on his canine face. He left the bar and started to return to the station and check in with Aiden. He was deep in thought about the information he gained from Fi. If a Shadow Pair had really defected that could have grave consequences for the future. With the thought of the Shadow Pairs, Quinn realized, “Those thrice-damned Council lap-dogs will be sticking their nose exactly where they don’t belong and if they catch wind of this there will be hell to pay.” He muttered to himself. It was getting late and the lightieres, in their thick coats, were already running around starting the lamps on the street by the time Quinn reached the station. It was the second biggest building near the center of town and only dwarfed by the city council building. The station was a formidable structure with its red brick walls and the bars on the windows. Quinn opened the large door to dark hallway with lamps periodically hung along the walls casting strange shadows everywhere. Even from where he was standing he could hear the flurry of activity from the cubical area passed the hallway. At the end of the hall was a large wooden desk with a grumpy looking[RES1] monkey woman glaring at Quinn as he ambled down the hallway. “So all this uproar is your fault.” She said as her monkey tail swished behind her chair. “I guess you could say that” he replied sheepishly. “Your little sidekick has been stirring up trouble talking about how the new case from the alley was the work of the Butcher.” “Well I’ll have a word with the boy. If is make you happy, Aubrey.” “You do that,” she harrumphed. “By the way the Captain really wants to talk to you.” “Thanks Aubrey.” Quinn said with a wave as he walked farther into the building until he reached a fancy wooden door with the word ‘Captain’ embossed on the door. A gruff voice sounded a loud “Enter” as soon as Quinn knocked on the heavy door. “Davenport, the person who caused this wonderful mess.” The Captain said in a deep baritone that was ragged from the many year of cigars. He was a large man with salt-and-pepper hair who as he talked reached into his desk to pull out a cigar. In an instant the cigar was lit with our so much as a shiver from the powerful man. “Sir, I’ll talk to Aiden, but I think we need to consider that he’s back.” “I know that, but have you considered that it was a non-mage copy-cat or multiple copy-cats.” “Well sir, that co…” The Captain interrupted him midsentence[RES2] , “Do you really want the Council’s goons sniffing around the place. If they catch wind of a magic death in the city.” “I handle it, sir.” Quinn sighed in defeat. “You do that, Davenport.” With that Quinn hurried out of the office to find his young apprentice. Quinn grumbled as he walked through the mostly empty to a group of desks with a young man appeared to be passed out on a stack of books. Quinn gave him a firm shake on the shoulder; which caused the young man to open one sleep filled, emerald eye. After a moment Aiden’s eyes widen with recognition and stumbled to stand up. Without his bandana, the boy appeared younger with long lanky limbs[RES3] and ears that were too large for his head. His short ginger hair was ruffled from sleeping on a book. “Calm down, boy.” Quinn said with a smile. “I see you have caused quite the ruckus while I was away.” “Boss?” Aiden questioned. “You’ve been in the city a year and you’ve never questioned why there isn’t more magic murder. Do they not teach you about the Calamity on the farm?” Before Aiden could open his mouth Quinn continued almost to himself. “It is probably because you country boys don’t have the Council breathing down your necks when a smartass decides to use malicious magic.” Again Aiden tried to speak but again was interrupted by his master. “Thinks about it boy, how many magic murders have happened in the year you’ve work here. Zero, right? There’s a reason for that, the all-powerful Council does not want their perfect country of mages to fall apart like during the Calamity. Listen, I guess the point I’m trying to make is to keep your mouth shut about the Butcher of Ferrum and call that that. Okay boy?” “So are we dropping the case, Boss?” questioned a stunned Aiden. “Now, I said nothing of the sort. What evidence do you have for me?” Aiden smiled and looked down at the book that he had fallen asleep on and the sheet of paper next to it that contained almost illegible notes. “Okay, the victim did have his ID card on him and the mutilation to the face made identifying him mostly impossible that paired with the missing middle finger is a clear sign of the Butcher’s work. Now, while you were gallivanting around I paid a visit to the Archives and pulled all the information on the Butcher’s cases and cases similar to the Butcher. What I found wasn’t much but most people tend to agree that he is a psychokinetic from the burns on the facial area near the eyes and smell of the body. The morgue boys also concluded that the cause of death was blood asphyxiation.” Aiden said as he looked down at his notes. “So he has power and is competent as a mage” pondered Quinn. “Seems like it, Boss.” “Good work, Aiden. Go home and get some actual sleep. I’m going to need your research skills at first light tomorrow.” Quinn said clapping the younger man on the back. “Okay, boss see you tomorrow.” “Remember what I told you about running you mouth.” Quinn yelled at the retreat back of his young apprentice. A loud “Night, Boss!” was the quick reply. “What am I going to do with him?” sighed Quinn as the day’s work finally caught up with him. He cleared the remaining books and papers on Aiden’s desk being careful not to lose his page or any of the papers. Looking around the room, Quinn notice most of the candles had burnt out and decided it was time to leave and rest his bones. Quinn’s home was in a simple apartment complex a few blocks away from the station. It was plain building made of stone and only about five stories high with a few dim lights shining through the dirty windows. Quinn strolled into the building to the staircase that looks it is about to fall apart then and there. The trip up the stairs wasn’t as perilous as it seems if you knew what you were doing. One of Quinn’s favorite pass time was to watch new tenants try and navigate the staircase. Lost in thought as he moved to his third floor apartment he almost missed a bright red envelope stuck in the crack between the door and the door frame near the door handle. The feeling of dread took root in his stomach when he finally noticed. “How did them find out so fast.” Quinn thought to himself, “it is impossible.” He grabbed the envelope which was heavy with Davenport written in gold letter on the front. The pit in his stomach only grew as Quinn’s strangely blue ey[RES4] es scanned the letter inside the envelope. Dear Mister Quinn Davenport of the Ferrum Police, You are hereby ordered under Order 17, Article 2 of the Calamity Act to meet the Companions in three days at sunrise in the rock fields in the north of Ferrum to discuss the change of command on the recent Alley case. Please bring your apprentice and all relevant evidence. Sincerely, Mages Council – Discipline Sector “Well fuck.” Quinn said quietly to himself as he wondered how the hell he was going to solve this murder in three days. If he did not, then the Council would take control and Quinn did not want to think of “Their policing methods” … or lack thereof. “I’m not any use to anyone dead.” Quinn thought to himself as he entered his minimalist apartment shedding his bandana and shoes as he walked to his bedroom where he carefully put away his sword. He finally fell on to his small, comfy bed and passed out. Chapter Two[RES5][RES6] Quinn woke to a ray of sun shining directly into his eyes from the crack in the curtains. With a yawn, he strapped the sword to his hip and tied the bandana around his face—the stone market's dust would be just as bad this morning. The sun just peeked over the horizon as Quinn walked the streets to the station. They were alive with citizens opening stores or walking to work. On his long legs, Quinn weaved through the crowd quickly. His young apprentice shifted nervously as Quinn arrived. “What's got your trousers in a bind, boy?” Quinn tried to keep his own nervousness of the fast approaching deadline out of his voice, but failed badly. “Quinn, well, I think I found a clue that can help us identify our victim.” Quinn cocked his head in interest as Aiden spoke “Well, good. But why do you look like someone is going to set your hair on fire?” “Uh, I think you should come in, boss. Better to show you than tell you.” Aiden turned around and almost sprinted to the archives with Quinn just on his heels. Aiden finally slowed to a stop when they reached a cubicle piled high with files and books, one that he had apparently been using since the early morning. Looking to make sure the archivist, the one other person in the room, wasn’t paying attention to them, Aiden started rummaging through the mess of papers on the desk. “So, I was reading the records about the other Butcher victim and noticed a pattern.” Aiden stopped rummaging and pulled out five folders, opening them side-by-side. “Look here.” Aiden pointed at the magic classification box in each of the victims’ files. “They are all non-mages.” Quinn blinked. “How come this link wasn’t discovered before? If the Butcher was targeting non-mages the community would have been terrified.” “It looks like they were all well off and didn't broadcast their status.” Aiden shifted from side to side. “Well, that makes this easier. If we never knew about this, the public certainly never figured it out. So we can assume that if our John Doe is a wealthy non-magic, then our killer is the Butcher and not a copycat.” Quinn grinned at Aiden. “You go to the council and check the records while I go and question the witnesses.” As Aiden got up, Quinn pointed at the badge still on the desk. “Don’t forget your badge so the council doesn’t give you too many problems.” Aiden flushed and quickly stuffed the badge in his pocket before rushing out of the room. Quinn laughed to himself as he stood, stretching out before heading back to the scene of the crime. Next to the alley was a blacksmith shop with a horseshoe sign out front. The heat of the day was nothing compared to the heat inside the small shop. As Quinn lowered his bandana, a large bald man with scars covering both of his trunk-like forearms came out from the back of the store. “’Ello welcome to the Horseshoe. What can I do fer you?” With a quick flash of his badge Quinn said, “I am here on a police matter do you mind if I ask you a few questions?” The large man quickly dropped his friendly demeanor, “You here about the alley then? What type of person ‘ould do that to a man?” “Did you hear anything suspicious while you were working yesterday?” pushed Quinn “I didn’t I was finishing up a job for the Captain and couldn’t hear a damn thing but me apprentice heard a commotion up while he was cleaning the front of the shop. He went out to investigate and when he can back he was so shock up and would not speak to me that I sent he home for the rest of the week.” “So where can I find this apprentice of your?” Quinn asked pulling out a notepad and pen to take down the address. “Wait now you don’t think my boy had anything to do with this?” The blacksmith questioned agitatedly. “I think your apprentice was witness to a murder and could be in grave danger. Now please tell me where I can find him.” Quinn said calmly pen still prepared to take down the address. “He lives about two blocks down above Becky’s Flower Shop.”, replied the obviously shaken man. With tip of hat Quinn turned to leave but before he could open the door the blacksmith called out, “Detective, please protect him. He’s the best apprentice I will probably ever have.” “I will, I promise”, Quinn mumbled too quiet for the blacksmith too scared to make a promise he couldn’t keep. With that Quinn through open the door and marched out to find the apprentice before the Butcher did. The flower shop that was below the apprentice’s house was a quaint shop with a scrawny boy out front sweeping the front stoop trying to stop the ever present dust from over taking the small shop. Quinn stepped into the store and headed to creaky looking staircase and flashing his badge at the confused store clerk. Taking the steps two at a time Quinn gave a hard knock on the plain door. He could hear a quiet shuffling on the inside of the apartment. “Go away”, a tired sounding voice yelled through the door. “I’m with the police. I would like to talk to the blacksmiths apprentice.” replied Quinn. “You have a badge?”, the voice questioned. “Of course” Quinn said fishing his poor overused badge out of his pocket. “I’m going to open the door a little show me the badge through the crack.” Without waiting for Quinn’s reply the door opened just a crack which Quinn roughly shoved his badge up against. “Alright, come in.”, The door opened to reveal a tired looking woman wearing a dust covered apron with her salt and pepper hair escaping her tight bun. “Well, you going to stand there and gawk or you going to come in?”, She stated with hands on her hips glaring at him expectantly. “Yes ma’am can I ask your name?” Quinn stated as he walked into the small apartment. “I am Becky.”, Becky stated bluntly. “He is in his room. I will go get him.”, She abruptly and walked out of the living room leaving Quinn to his own devices. The apartment itself was nothing special: clean as one could expect with the plague of dust that cursed Ferrum. There were also flowers on every surface that flowers could be placed on. After a short while the woman came back with a stocky young man in toe. The boy was pale and looked shaken which did not look right for his build. “This is Fredric and if it is alright by you Mr. Policeman we should have this talk in the kitchen where we can sit down and I can get you some water.” The group made their way in to the kitchen to the left of the living room and Becky made herself busy making all three of them refreshment. The boy mutely sat down at the table in the kitchen, that of course was also covered in flowers. The detective sat across from the boy picking up a vase full of white and purple flowers that Quinn has never seen before and setting them out of the way so he could properly question the boy. “Hello Fredric, I am Detective Quinn Davenport but you can call me Quinn. Can you tell me what you saw yesterday that shook you up so bad?”, Quinn begin, notebook ready, in a soothing voice as not to scare the boy any more. Fredric turned a shade paler than Quinn thought possible for a boy of his complexion. The boy opened his mouth a few times and looked like he was going to speak but nothing came out. “It is okay why don’t you tell me about your day before the event and we can work up to what you saw.” Quinn tried calmly. “Um, well I guess I could try and do that.” The boy, Fredric, said his voice was soft and raspy with disuse. “I think that day was cursed or something or I was getting the first day jitters again or something because everything seemed to be going wrong.”, Quinn quickly interrupted to ask what Fredric meant by first day jitters. “I mean no offense but you look a little old to be a brand new apprentice.”, Quinn clarified. This drew a shaky laugh from the boy and made Quinn smile internally. “I am not a new apprentice but I got the Cold for a better part of the month and I was finally well enough to leave the house yesterday.” Quinn winced at the boy’s confession, The Cold was a terrible illness that crippled pyrokinetics by lowering their core temperature to dangerous temperatures. If the poor bastards were not kept warm enough until the disease ran its course they would slowly freeze to death. “Anyways, everything seemed to be going wrong the Captain gave an express order of 2 dozen handcuffs for master to fill by today. Normally I would help him with large orders but I was still a little too weak to hold more than a broom so I was stuck tending the front desk and sweeping the shop. Sweeping has always been my least favorite task because my eyes always water. It was just after noon when I thought I heard people fighting in the alley. That alley is a common place for people to quickly fight it because it so hard to see into even during the day and normally I can stop any bad fighting with a glare. So I walked out to put a stop it any roughhousing but they weren’t your typical street thugs. There was a moose hybrid with one alter messing cutting the shit out a guy in a suit.” As Fredric finished his story Quinn tried to not show the surprise on his face. He knew all too well who the moose hybrid was, the local drug kingpin James “the Bull” Prince. The Bull was an infamous psychokinetic that pushed all types of drugs through the city. Rumor was that he lost his antler to a battle with a Shadow Pair from the Academy. “Thank you Fredric his you think of anything else please let me know.”, with that Quinn pulled out a card and handed it to the boy and unceremoniously stood up and walked to the door with a brief nod of goodbye to Becky. It was close to sunset when Quinn walked out of the flower shop. During the walk back to the office Quinn stop at a shoeshine stand and payed the boy twice the going rate. The boy took the money and looked at Quinn expectantly and Quinn said, “Tell Aunty that her little prince said Hello.” The boy nodded and got to work shining his shoes. After the boy was done, Quinn finally made it back to the office. The office was mostly empty for all of the normal officers were out on patrol around the city. Before returning to his and Aiden’s desk Quinn made a quick pit stop at the narcotics section of the station. The detective on duty was a small woman with dark dreadlocks that ringed her face. She snuffed out the ball of fire she had been playing with before he reached her. “Hey Polka[RES7] , I see that you are not busy so mind helping me with a job?” Quinn asked with a playful smile on his face. “Davenport, whatever do you mean? As you can see I am swamped with work and can’t possibly get away to help with whatever mess you made.” The other detective replied sarcasm dripping from hear words and a cheeky smile on her face. “Come off it I am offering a chance at freedom here.”, Quinn wedeled. “Fine, fine you twisted my arm enough. What do you need help with?”, She questioned curiously. “I need information about favorite hybrid drug kingpin because I think he has turned to direct murder instead of indirect killings” Polka’s face suddenly turned serious as Quinn told her that he thought Prince a suspect in his case. “Let’s go to a quieter place before I tell you the specifics Quinn looked around suspiciously. Seeing his nervousness Polka quickly agreed and wheeled herself from her desk and gestured for him to follow her. They went to an abandoned conference room and Quinn shut and locked the door after they both had entered. Quickly Quinn explained all he knew about Prince’s involvement with the Butcher’s case. After a moment of quiet contemplation Polka finally spoke, “Well this is great news. If you get more hard evidence he can finally get his due. I will do some research and get back to you tomorrow.” From outside a flurry of activity could be heard. “The Captain must be about we should make ourselves busy. I have to talk to my apprentice which will hopefully put the pieces together and the Shadow Pair will not have a chance to fuck this city up.” With a wink at his good friend Quinn quickly retreated to find his apprentice. Quinn successfully avoided the Captains notice by slinking to the shadows as he returned to his office. But Polka did not seem to be as lucky. From behind the Captains booming voice could be heard verbally assaulting the unfortunate narcotics detective. Quinn winced in pain in sympathy for Polka as the Captain dragged her into his office and the door slammed shut. As Quinn reached his office he noticed his poor junior asleep once again in the chair adjacent from the door. Quinn smiled evilly and pointed the boy hard in the cheek. Jumping in surprise the boy franticly looked around for his attacker. “Oh sir it is just you. You gave me a heart attack.” Sighed Aiden when he noticed that his superior was the who had poked him. “You got to get a full night’s sleep tonight boy or you are going to catch the Cold if you are not careful.” Warned Quinn. “If you got time to sleep then you must have found something good at the council” Aiden nodded quickly, “I found the name of our John Doe and you would never guess his status.” Before Quinn could respond Aiden jumped in and replied “The John Doe is Roy Morton the treasurer of the artisan guild and he is non-mage. Since you were still busy with the witness when I came back I already created a timeline of the victim’s whereabouts before the attack. I also asked Darren and Shera to inform and question the family of the victim.” Aiden gestured to the notes on his lap and the crude timeline on the far wall that Quinn didn’t notice when he walked in the office. “That was a lot of work, Good job.” Quinn said impressed with his young officer. “Now give me the highlights before we call it a night.” “Basically, Roy did not have any family and was a popular book binder that was voted treasurer of the guild two years ago. No one we talked to had anything bad to say about him. Apparently he was very good at both his job as treasurer and as a book binder. His land lord said he always paid his rent on time. The only weird thing was he was always gone an hour before sun set on once a month on the sixth day of the week. No one we talked to could figure out where he went during this time. This is why no one reported him missing.” After finishing his reported Aiden looked at Quinn expectantly. “Hmmm, the next step for tomorrow is to find out what Mr. Morton was doing during that time and what his connection with Prince is.”, Quinn thought out loud. “Prince, sir?” Aiden questioned. Realizing he had not informed his young apprentice of his adventures Quinn repeated what he told Polka. Stunted Aiden looked longingly at his timeline as if he wanted to fit in the Prince puzzle piece. “Oh no boy it is time to go home. Polka will do some investigating and will fill us in tomorrow.” Quinn dragged Aiden out of the station and cheerfully waved at Aubrey as he forced Aiden out in the street. After Quinn was confident that Aiden was actually going home Quinn started his own journey home. But he was stopped by a runner girl with dirty blonde hair. She handed him a piece of folded paper and waited as he tipped her with 5 copper pieces before running off. All the paper said was midnight at the Rusted Bull come alone unarmed. Quinn groaned to himself as the prospect of a full night sleep went out the window and he walked toward the docks yet again.
Shy Marry (Female Half-Elf): A young shy girl, barely out of her teens. She seems nervous and inexperienced, and constantly embarrassed, but will not stop the “experience”. Those who choose to simply snuggle with her gain an inspiration.
Aracnophobia (Male Drow) When the customer is not watching, spiders will slowly begin to enter the room. After their attention is sufficiently distracted, a male drow will appear from nowhere and begin to service the customer. Customers gain an immunity to fear for 24 hours.
Midnight (Black Male Dragonborn) A pitch-black dragonborn enters the room, a body like Adonis and built like obsidian; he is tailored with a gold neckless and gold wrist bands. The shadows move around his body, and slowly, the lights go out and he engages with the customer. For the next 24 hours, shadows will stick close to the customer, giving them advantage on stealth checks.
Margrett (Female Orge): A large, fat woman enters the room. She’s large enough that she must squeeze through the door frame. She’s a powerhouse, with notably large teeth and a slight lisp.
The Musician (Male Elf) A well-dressed bard enters the room, he does not undress, he does not address the customer. He simply takes out his violin case and starts to play a song. As he plays, the Customer’s body begins to throw in ecstasy, the song enveloping them. The customer gains the one-time use of a bardic inspiration die (1d6).
Mirror-Mirror (Doppleganger): As the customer is looking around, they realize a large mirror which wasn’t there before. The mirror stands as tall as the customer, and when gazed in, a duplicate of themselves appears from the mirror and begins to seduce them.
Story-Time (Female Hag): A little old lady enters the room, taking a seat near the customer’s bed. She pulls out a small pair of spectacles, and a large book. The book transports the reader into a rather erotic story, narrated by the older lady. The story emboldens the customer, giving them advantage on intimidation checks for 24 hours.
Lost-Breath (Female Mermaid): The room quickly fills with water. As the Customer panics, and begins to drown, a mermaid appears and begins breathing air into their lungs. The mermaid is dressed in gold and silver, with strands of sea weed stuck in their hair. For 24 hours, the customer gains the ability of water- breathing.
The Smiling Cat (Female Tabaxi): A large brawny tabaxi with died fur appear from nowhere. She pounces and plays with the customer, disappearing and reappearing, before embracing the tired customer. Once the deed is done, she disappears with a smile. The Customer gains the one-time use of the spell “Misty Step”.
Ba’Dumn the Belly Dancer (Sand Yellow Male Dragonborn): Ba’Dumn is most definitely one of the best belly- dancers in the material plane. Ironically, he is also 90% belly. Despite this giant’s size, he guarantees his customer a night unlike any other.
Hells Bells (Female Incubus): An angelic figure enters the room, beautiful and prestige. She begins with a simple kiss, which burns the customer’s lips. Slowly, the feathers on her back start to fly around the room revealing her true form, that of a demon. The customer gains resistance to Radiant for 24 hours.
Maggs the Cook (Female Half-orc): A large, voluptuous half-orc cheerily enters the room dressed in full cookware. She brings in several plates and trays of food and asks for Customer to sit and eat. The customer does not get less hungry, but does still grow more full. Once the customer declares they’re too full or wish to continue to lovemaking, Maggs will continue to feed them as they make love in bed. The customer finds that they are significantly stuffed after the event, and do not need to eat for a week.
The Witch Doctor (Male Halfling) A small, Halfling dressed in foreign clothing pops into the room. The mask he wears is twice as large as it needs to be. He pulls out a small doll, which surprisingly matches the customer in appearance, and begins to caress it, with all the feelings going into the Customer.
Pearl Buskont, a halfling woman given to petty theft, and eventually becomes a small ring leader of a group of highly organized thieves. Her shock of pink hair and many piercings gives her a saucier outward appearance than her demeanor actually reveals.
Lacey shields, a orgallion drag queen, known for her dancing and outrageous curves. Normally doesn’t take night time companions, but times are tough in the off season. She usually only agrees to suitors that charm her well, but occasionally will just go for the coin.
Vanessa the Drunkard (Female Elf): A tall, gallow elf swaggers into the room, carrying various bottles and drinks in a large burlap sack. She offers the customer drinks, but only if they confirm that they are okay with lovemaking afterwords. She will offer stranger and stranger drinks, until the customer can barely stand, however she seems unaffected by her liquors. The customer finds that they are significantly sated after the event, and do not need to drink for a week.
The Automata (Unspecified Warforged) A large, robotic figure enters the room. They say “Greeting, I am programed for your pleasure. Please select a setting and assume the position,” before waiting for the customer to select a setting. The settings are “Easy”, “Medium”, “Hard”, “Maximum Overdrive”, and “Turbo.” On selecting the “Easy” or “Medium” setting, the character regains all spent hit dice. On selecting the “Hard” difficulty, the customer gains an inspiration point. On selecting “Maximum overdrive”, the user’s pain tolerance is numbed, allowing for advantage to all concentration rolls for the next 24 hours. On selecting “Turbo”, the user gains all rewards plus a point of exhaustion.
Candle-Light (Red Female Dragonborn): The candlelight in the room flairs as a red dragonborn enters, covered in melting candles. She drips hot wax on the customer, making sure to heat their bodies as well as their hearts. The customer gains resistance to fire damage for the next 24 hours.
The Voyeur (Unspecified Eldritch Abomination): A character, who is exactly as the customer desires, enters the room. They introduce themselves as “Sam” before getting to work. As Sam and the Customer do their merry lovemaking, the customer cannot help but feel that they are being watched. Should they succeed a DC 10 perception check, they will notice that eyes periodically appear on the wall, watching them. For the next 24 hours, the character gains advantage on perception checks.
BEAUTY (Female Beholder) The bed in the room rumbles slightly, before flipping over, knocking the customer off if they were laying there. A strangely beautiful beholder appears from beneath the bed, either mocking the customer for their lack of paranoia or congratulating them on expecting her arrival. She sings songs and tells stories as she uses her eyes stalks, as well as anything else at her disposal, to help please the customer. The Customer gains the use of the “Alert” feat for 24 hours.
The Mind Electric (Unspecified Storm Elemental): As the customer rests, the air becomes charged. Eventually spark of electricity will split across the room. Eventually, one of the sparks will hit the customer, electrifying them. The experience is painful, yet at the same time pleasuring. A being made of pure energy then reveals itself, before continuing the process. The customer gains resistance to thunder and lightning damage for 24 hours.
The Genie (Female Genie): A knock on the door results in the customer finding a lamp laying on the ground. When rubbed, the room is filled with a smoke and a giant female genie appears. She will take the form of whatever the customer prefers, and will change and shift during the lovemaking.
RockBreaker (Male Dwarf): A dwarf with braided hair, runic tattoos, and rock-hard abbs. He sings soft songs under his breath, as his runic tattoos glow with ancient magics. The customer feels protected and gains one use of the “shield” spell.
The Wizard (Male Human): An ancient male human enters the room, dressed in the most magical robes. He is unhappy and sets up a small table, to which he asks the customer to lay on. Once the customer lays on the board, the wizard massages them, molding their flesh and bones like clay, twisting them into strange, but blissful shapes. The customer gains advantage on acrobatic checks for the next 24 hours.
Shroom (Female Gnome): A small gnome wearing a giant mushroom cap on her head enters the room. She offers the customer a few strange, looking mushrooms. Should they accept, they are set into a trance and the two commence in lovemaking. For the next 24 hours, the customer is immune to the poison effect, though can still take poison damage.
The Heaven’s Harem (Female Aasamar): A group of seven young women dressed in exotic clothes enters the room. Music plays as they dance around the client. After a passionate display, the dance becomes a bit more intimate.
The Doctor: (Female Human): The Doctor is dressed in plague doctor’s outfit. She invites the customer to lie on the bed and close their eyes. Should they not do so, she will cast suggestion on them (DC 17). She will then light incense, and plunge a dagger into the customer’s chest. She will then remove all their organs, clean them, repair them, and replace them into the customer’s body. The customer can feel and see all of this, but cannot move. The customer is cured of all diseases, all physical ailments, and regains all hit dice, but has an autopsy scar across their chest.
Centurion (Male Centaur): A centaur dressed in ancient roman armor enters the room. While it is difficult for him to maneuver, he is quite dexterous and is willing to let the customer ride him. Or vise-versa. ???
1001 Snakes (Male Yuanti Pureblood): The room floods with snakes. The snake begin to slither around the customer’s body and bite them. As the customer is beginning to feel overwhelm them, a figure swims through and embraces the customer. The two make love in the pool of snake. After the customer passes out they find themselves on the bed, the room wrecked. The customer gains resistance to poison for 24 hours.
It’s all right... (Male Half-orc): An orc, face covered in a bag, and body covered with rags and viscera enter the room. Despite his visage, the customer is not frightened of him and considers the situation normal. The orc is armed and slowly approaches the character; he puts the knife to the customer’s throat and asks “any last words?” Regardless of what the customer said, the orc goes ‘Shhh, it’s alright. Nothing will hurt you now,” as he begins to embrace and pet the customer. For the next 24 hours, the customer is immune to the fear effect.
Beattie the Bearded (Female Dwarf): A female dwarf with impossibly long hair enters the room. She insists that the customer help her braid it before they get going (DC 20 Slight of hand check). Failure results in the Customer getting caught in the dwarf’s hair, before the two make love and the customer is strangled in unconsciousness. Success results in a happy, and satisfied dwarf, who gives an improved performance. The customer gains an inspiration point.
TEETH TEETH TEETH (Unspecified Eldritch Abomination) At first, the room seems empty. However, after a while, the customer will notice a number of small eyes staring at them from the walls. Eventually, small mouths, filled with teeth begin to show up, slowly revealing more and larger mouths. Tongues lash at the customer, caressing them in strange and erotic ways. After such an experience, the customer becomes resistance to psychic damage for 24 hours.
The Hoard (Male Orcs): The Hoard is a group of 10 orcs, dressed in fancy dresses and effeminate outfits. They scream complements at the customer before engaging them. It’s a long night, but those who see it through get one free use of the “Relentless” orc skill.
StoneMaker (Female medusa): A knock at the door is met with a small package. A blindfold is presented, with the phrase “Put this on. Whatever you do, do not take it off.” As soon as it’s put on, the door opens, and a figure enters the room. Several kisses are felt along the customer’s body before extending into full passion. Should they take off the mask, they become petrified (DC 14 CON) as they find a medusa with stone eyes making love with them. Customers who follow the request gain blind sight for 24 hours.
A Well Dressed Individual (Unspecified Mimic): A knock at the door is met with a set of fine clothes, fitted exactly to the customer’s size and taste. A note on the clothes requests that the customer puts them on before the night continues. The clothes are silk like in texture, and when worn are revealed to be a sentient, and lusty, mimic.
Lady Luck (Female Elf): A busty, plump elf enters the room dressed in the most ludicrous casino based outfit they’ve ever seen. She offers to play the customer in a game of strip poker, domination dice, and other erotic-themed games. The customer gains a single-use luck point, this does not stack with the Lucky feat.
Riddles (Female Sphinx): A tall, slender sphinx enters the room and traps the customer in a precarious way. Though the customer is safe, the sphinx does not let on to it and threatens them, forcing them to answer sensual riddles and questions. Should the customer play along, they will gain advantage on Investigation checks for the next 24 hours.
Cueball (Male Human): A tall, thin man, dressed as a dandy, enters the room. He is missing his head, and instead a mirrored sphere floated above his neck.
The Dryad (Female Dryad): A beautiful woman, carved of wood, waltzes into the room. Flowers seem to grow around her, as vines begin to wrap around the customer. The customer feels at one with nature, and has advantage on nature checks for the next 24 hours.
The Last Laugh (Male Satyr) A man dressed in a Clown costume ???
The Mad Man (Male Human): A man, dressed in chains, a mask, and a mental patient coat is wheeled into the room. Should the customer unlock the chains binding him, he will break from his remaining bindings and savagely embrace the customer. The customer gains a long-term madness and inspiration.
42 The Stripper (Female Elf skeleton): An elf, dressed in heavyset clothing enters the room. She dances on a pole with shockingly large amount of agility. For each gold piece tossed at her, she dances more aggressively and takes off a piece of clothing, after 100gp is thrown at her, she reveals herself to be a skeleton, before bursting into a strange mist, laughing gleefully. If 100gp is thrown at her, the customer gets one time use of the spell “Invisibility.”
Obsession (Female Tiefling) (Negative): The customer gains disadvantage on all intelligence checks and intelligence savings throws for the next 24 hours.
Moss (Male Goliath): Moss is a large, muscular goliath who has a thick layer of moss, plants, and other fungi growing on his back and head. He is slow, but solid, and is typically quiet unless spoken to. At the end of the night, he leaves the customer with a small handful of plants and berries, which act as berries from the goodberry spell.
Furball (Female Tabaxi): A dark-furred tabaxi, dressed in loose clothes, a cone hat, and an overly large belt enters the room. She is keen to undress, though asks that the client doesn’t take off her belt. Her belt will always be taught and her weight will shift if the belt is adjusted. If the client tricks her and takes off her belt (DC 20 sleight of hand), she will inflate like a balloon and float up to the ceiling. ???
Dream-Catcher (Female Gith) A dreamcatcher appears on the wall, and a note appears from under the door. The customer is told to go to sleep, and that when they wake up they’ll be fully rested. When they sleep, they find the “Girl of their dreams” waiting for them, and a long, erotic fore into a strange wonderland. The dream is so restful that the Customer does not need to sleep for one week, but must still do light activity in order to benefit from a long rest.
Deal-Breaker (Male Devil) A plain male accountant enters the room and informs that the customer needs to fill out several pieces of paperwork before they can ‘use the brothel’s services’. Several papers are shoved at the character, several making no sense, but the accountant insisting that they need to be filled out. After filling out the paperwork, or giving up, the devil reveals his true form and engages the customer. Should the customer help with the paperwork beforehand, the customer will gain advantage on all history savings throws for the next 24 hours. Likewise, if the customer is interested, the Deal-Breaker will offer to be the customer’s patron (The Fiend) if they wish to take a level in warlock.
The Fairy Godmother (Female Fay) A strange, giant woman appears next to the customer. She is animalistic in appearance, dressed in a robe of flowers, furs, and other oddities. The customer never sees her enter the room, and her nature is fairly strange and alien. She is very kind however, and seems to genuinely care for the customer. For the next 24 hours, the customer will find their life just a bit easier, and survival checks will be made at advantage. Likewise, if the customer is interested, the Fairy Godmother will offer to be the customer’s patron (The Archfey) if they wish to take a level in warlock.
The Cultist (Male Eldritch abomination): A man dressed in violet wearing a mask enters the room. He waxes poetically about a play he was once in and encourages the customer to join him in some play acting. The customer soon learns that the play was very erotic. The customer gains advantage on performance checks for the next 24 hours. Likewise, if the customer is interested, the Cultist will offer to be the customer’s patron (The Great Old One) if they wish to take a level in warlock.
The Litch (Female Litch): A tall, skeletal figure, dressed in royal garb, appears from a mist on the floor of the room. She opens a spell book before casting several spells, which careen through the customer’s body in a strange, but delightful manner. For the next 24 hours, the customer gains advantage on Arcana checks. Likewise, if the customer is interested, the Cultist will offer to be the customer’s patron (The Undying) if they wish to take a level in warlock.
Dragonslayer (Female Copper Dragon): A copper dragon breaks through the front door and charges at the customer. After chasing the customer around for a while, she grins at the, utters a small seductive growl, and then take a more ‘compromised’ pose. The customer gains a one-use version of the spell “Tasha’s Hideous Laughter.”
Good-Mother (Female Lizardborn) ???
Copycat (Male Kenku) ???
Kiss with Death (Male Wraith): A figure, dressed in black enters the room from the floor. He bends forth, and kisses the customer, sucking the soul from their body. After toying with it for a bit, he replaces it back it the body. For the next 24 hours, the character gains disadvantage on saving throws and death saving throws. (Negative)
Guardian Angel (Male Aasamar): A glowing figure appears in the room, clad in fine silks and textiles; he fiercely shouts “Fear not.” He is a passionate lover. For the next 24 horus, the character gains advantage on saving throws and death savings throws.
The Merchant (Female Human) ???
The Cruel Merchant (Female Human): This woman is similar to the merchant, except she is covered in blood and has frightful eyes. She asks for blood, and for every 1hp given to her, she will have intercourse for 1 minute. For every 10% of hp given to the Cruel Merchant, the customer gains a lingering injury. No more than one lingering injury can be gained during any “donation” period.
The Body Builder (Female Bugbear): A large, buff bug bear enters the room dressed in a gym outfit. She is quite vigorous, and occasionally forces the customer into more athletic positions in order to better their stamina. For the next 24 hours, the customer gains advantage on athletic checks.
Mister Nobody (Male Human Ghost): A vaporous version of a man, dressed in fine clothing, with a bottle of whiskey and a noose around their neck, glides in through one of the side walls. He glides through the customer and possesses them, causing their body to ache in pain and pleasure. ???
The Beast (Female Human Werewolf): The Customer gains advantage on animal handling for the next 24 hours.
Poor little one (Female Halfling): An injured Halfling enters the room, begging for help. Hidden in the wall is a medicine kit, filled with various vials, balms, and bandages. Should the customer help, the Halfling will thank them with whatever means she can. Playing along nets the ‘hero’ with advantage on medicine checks.
Fallen (Female Angel): An angelic form bursts in from the ceiling. She is commanding, and begs that the customer reconsider their life of sin. That being said, they are quite passionate, and will embrace the customer as they critique them. The customer gains advantage on religion checks for the next 24 hours. Likewise, if the customer is interested, the fallen will offer to be the customer’s patron (Divine) if they wish to take a level in warlock.
The Third Eye (Male Half-Elf): A strange monk enters the room. While he embraces the customer, he also pokes them in the ki points. This results in both a physically and spiritually enlightening experience. For the next 24 hours, the customer gains advantage on Insight checks.
Vintage (Male Human Vampire) A tall, slender male enters the room. He offers the customer a drink of wine before getting down to business. He seems to be into biting, and the blood loss makes the customer’s head feel lighter than normal. For the next 24 hours, the customer gains disadvantage on Con checks and Con Saving throws. (Negative)
Marionette (Female Gnome): A knock occurs at the door, and behind it is a small marionette puppet with a note pinned to it. The note says “Childish wonder is a marvelous thing. Play with me.” As soon as the customer begins messing with it in any way, several pieces of red string begin to entangle the customer, lifting them up to a starlit landscape and an immense giant who services them. (Note: The puppet is cursed to force anyone touching it to auto-fail saving throws. A small, plain, illusionist services the customer as their mind is elsewhere.) ???
A Silly Joke (Female Nilbog-Goblin) A spry, pretty goblin appears from no were, wearing a strange pink and purple peasant’s outfit. They tease and taunt the customer, only letting them get what they want if they work for it. The next 20 rolled by the player is rerolled and the new result chosen. (Negative)
Red-Strings and Butterflies (Male Minotaur): Butterflies begin to flutter around the room. From the walls appears a meek and well-groomed Minotaur, red stringed tied on his hair, horns, and elsewhere. He fiddles with strings and ties bows on the customer as he romances them. ???
Trash (Female Trogladite): The room fills with a foul stench. From the floor trash and refuse begins to flow, and from the swampy substance a figure appears. A fit and tawny troglodyte appears, ready to pleasure the customer in any way possible.
The Word (Male Aarakocra) A peacock of an Aarakocra enters the room. He paints various incantations and phrases on the customer. These words fill the customer with power! For the next 24 hours, the character gains advantage on persuasion checks.
The Bouncing Brothers (Male Hobgoblins) A pair of fit, mustached hobgoblins enter the room, both dressed in a leotard. The pair perform various feats of agility before performing more intimate feats with the customer.
Bull-Slayer (Female Leprechaun) A small, pretty lepricaun enters the room. She looks at the customer and scoffs. She will typically mutter something akin to “Let’s hope you last longer than the last one,” before going at the customer relentlessly. The customer’s muscle ache terribly afferwords, and for the next 24 hours, the customer gains disadvantage on dexterity checks and dexterity saving throws. (Negative)
The Cat Lord’s Lover (Male Tabaxi): A small, meek tabaxi enters the room wearing nothing but a collar and a pair of bracelets. He will do as he is instructed, even if it results in his ‘death’. If killed in any manner, he will revive within an hour. Damage sustained to the tabaxi quickly heals at 1hp per minute. He has little understanding of word-play and will take phrases literally. He will not, however, leave the room. If he gets to perform a “unique” act, he will thank the customer and reward them with access to a one-use version of the “Death Ward” spell.
Shell-Game (Male Tortle): For the next 24 hours, the customer gains advantage on Deception Checks.
Blind Man’s Bluff (Unspecified Warforged): A strange looking warforged appears in the corner of the room whenever the customer blinks. Only when they blink, or if they close their eyes, does the creature move. That does not stop it, however, from making advances on the customer whenever possible. The customer gains the one-use version of the “Blink” spell.
Jack Frost (Male winter eladrin elf) Jack may not be his real name, but Jack Frost does fit his moniker. A cheery, pale but rosy cheeked elf enters the room, a cool frost following behind him. If the customer gets cold, they can always cuddle under the covers for warmth. Jack’s warmth stays longer than expected, and the customer gains resistance to cold for the next 24 hours.
Silence and Static (Female Blue Dragonborn): A cartoonish looking dragonborn with a long face dressed in a mime’s outfit enters the room. She begins to perform for the customer, before getting more “intimate” with them. Any action performed by the customer in a pantomime like fashion will occur to the dragonborn, regardless of whether it makes sense. That being said, damage caused in this manner cannot be lethal, and will result in her “playing dead” or disappearing before reappearing- within a few minutes. The customer gains a one-use version of the “Unseen Servant” spell.
Hooligan (Male Halfling) A small, fit but overweight, Halfling runs into the room. He chats with customer about games and cards, and is willing to show the customer a few tricks he knows. He then shows the customer a few more ‘exotic’ tricks. If the customer listens to his advice then the next “1” rolled by the customer is rerolled. This must be used before the Halfling feature.
Pins and Needles (Female Yuan-Ti Half-Blood) A snake-faced woman enters the room, a small silver box in her hand. When she gets close enough to the customer, she will offer to do acupuncture to them. While severely relaxing, the customers muscles grow tired. For the next 24 hours, the customer gains disadvantage on strength checks and strength saving throws. (Negative)
79 Mister Large (Male Duergar) A small dwarf with a large beard enters the room. Well dressed and smoking a pipe which smells of heavy-tobacco and spice, he performs several tricks, blowing smoke rings and other interesting shapes. At the end, he takes a deep breath and breaths forth a dragon, which envelopes the room. When the smoke clear, it is revealed that he has grown significantly in height. The customer gains a one-time use of the enlarge person spell.
King of the Seas (Male Triton): A tall, well-built, red skinned Triton makes his way into the room. He is charming, though a bit bubble headed, and complements the customer whenever he can. He dressed sparsely, but regally. ???
The Hedonist (Male Human): A young, noble looking human enters the room. He is equipped with a bag, and plans to test the limit to find a new thrill. The world to him is quite dull, and he needs this. Roll 3 checks for constitution, dexterity, and charisma (DC 20). For each successful check, the character receives an inspiration point.
High-Octane (Female Quickling) The customer gains a one-use version of the “Haste” spell.
Coin Operated (Unspecified Warforged): A warforged is wheeled into the room and left standing. A coin-slot is seen on its left thigh with the words “Insert Coinage” written in common. Any coin can be inserted into the slot, which will cause the warforged to activate for an hour. Higher value coins produce better results. If gold and platinum (or higher) are used, then the customer gains an inspiration. If a magic coin is used, the warforged goes into overdrive mode and no other coinage is needed for the 8 hours period, the customer also gains an inspiration and the one-time ability to add +10 to a single attack roll.
84 The Marvelous Mr. Toad (Male Bullywag) A well-dressed Bullyway hops into the room. He is charming, energetic, and full of spry young energy. However, he does not, in any way shape or form, act as a normal Bullywag would and seems well versed in more noble pursuits.
The Sugar Daddy (Male Half-orc): A large, burly half-orc squeezes his way into the room. He is coated heavily in hair, jewelry, and musk. Though incredibly large, he is surprisingly gentle and seems to care deeply for the customer. At the end of the night, he thanks the customer for their kindness and says that they made for an excellent courtesan before promptly leaving. For the next week (5 days) the character’s living condition is considered one higher than what they paid for.
The Jinx (Male half-elf): A frazzled looking half-elf enters the room. He seems incredibly nervous, and as he romances the customer things seem to naturally go wrong. He is far more pitiable than romantic, though love-making is one place he doesn’t mess up. For the next week (5 days) the character’s living condition is considered one lower than what they paid for. If they live a wretched lifestyle, they suffer 1 exhaustion per day. (Negative)
Adonis (Male Elf) An impossibly handsome man enters the room. A form that seems to near god-like perfection on every aspect, one cannot help but feel inadequate when confronted by his gentle voice. For the next 24 hours, the customer gains disadvantage on Charisma checks and charisma saving throws. (Negative)
Wild Thing (Female Tiefling): A young, wild-eyed and wild-haired tiefling comes into the room. She is keen to get started in the love-making, though she is incredibly unstable. Roll on the wild magic table (104), wand of wonder, or a custom wild magic table, with both Wild Thing and the Customer being affected as targets or casting subjects.
89 Who am I? (Unspecified Doll Golem): A small, hand- crafted golem enters the room. They are featureless, though are dressed in the clothing of the customer’s preferred sex. The creature is fully sapient, and will pantomime out suggestions of what to do. ???
A Man’s Heart (Male Yuan-ti Abomination): A humanoid, snake-like creature enters the room and offers the customer a strange tonic. Should the customer drink it, their body will be paralyzed by a strange poison and the Yuan-ti will then consume the customer. The situation is tight, warm, but pleasant. For the next 24 hours, the customer gains resistance to acid damage. At the end of the session the Yuan-ti will regurgitate them. Should the customer not drink the poison, or if the customer is immune to poison, the Yuan-ti will simply sleep with them.
The Blackmailer’s Delight (Female Half-Orc): A beautiful individual enters the room and offers the player a drink, saying that they wish to “know them better”. They will not continue until the customer consumes the strange wine. Within 1d4 days, the customer will receive a letter. This letter will, in detail claim to divulge a rather significant event unless a notable sum is paid. This blackmail can be true or false, but it holds substantial proof either way. Likewise, the sum, while not necessarily monetary, must be significant to the customer.(Negative)
Hells Angel: (Female assimar) with blond hair, blue eyes and an angelic face. She always wears a light blue dress. Her specialty is being able to always perfectly play the damsel in distress for her customers. After the damsel in distress act, it will turn into a deadly game of cat and mouse, with Hell’s Angel hiding her murder attempts behind the damsel in distress act from earlier. If you’re one of the lucky ones who survive her services, you’ll receive a +1 dagger and a note that says “I’ll see you again” in the mail a week later.
Saveera of the Nine Veils (Female Kobold): Her room is patterned in a style reminiscent of the harems of Al-Qadim, luxurious pillows are position around a central stage. From behind the curtains at the back of the stage a kobold appears, dressed in the finest silk, covering just enough to be consider barely decent, but showing enough to entice. Music starts up from seemingly nowhere, and Saveera begins her dance. At the end of the dance she offers the customer the chance to "dance" with her. Those who befriend her learn her real name to be Kip-Kig, and that she initially only worked at the brothel because it was easy money, but soon fell in love with the job and slowly developed her current persona.
Hena the Yuan Ti. Her poison is whispered to give those bitten a light buzz and send them into dizzy spells; every touch feels magnified. Her coiling tail tightens about her victims slowly as the night goes on...
Mystereon (Myst), a doppelganger who, for 50 gp, will be any race, sex or age the client wants. For 500 gp, will use a "Potion of Detect Thoughts" (just a bottle of ale, she banks on the fact that not many people know doppelgangers can cast detect thoughts at Will) to become any specific person or thing the client wants, perfectly mimicking whatever they desire, no matter how mundane or perverse.
Vendara, a medusa who considers herself an accomplished poet. For 50gp clients go into her room blind-folded, where Vendara sits them on cushioned divan and feeds them grapes while whispering about how badly she wants to look them in the eye as her snakes caress their skin. Those who give in to temptation are sold off as ornamental statues to unscrupulous traders.
Two-lip is a thri-kreen courtesan who insists they are a human, just like you. Imagine a giant praying mantis with smudged lipstick, off-color blush, and a tenuous grasp on non pheromonic communication.
The Odalisque Resplendent in Gossamer Veils, This delicate fae draped in veils of silk and spiderweb moves about the room, cleaning and adjusting, dusting and coming so close. Something about her presence enflames desire but inhibits movement; she cannot be approached. She doesn’t touch her guests but rumor has it some of her clients have grown old returning to her again and again hoping for the barest brush of her silks against their flesh.
A young succubus exiled from the underworld (or whatever is DnD's version of hell) for such kinks as handholding or snuggling. She's incredibly shy and lovable. Her mere presence seems to have a calming effect on everyone around. There have been multiple cases of clients falling asleep with her before getting to the saucy stuff and not regretting the money spent. Strongly recommended for traumatized adventurers and chaotic neutral rogues who just need a hug.
A warforged named Fisto, who simply states “you will now assume the position.” Players have a hard time sitting down for 1d4-1 days.
Mad Symphony (Male Succubus): A figure, dressed as a conductor, enters the room. He begins to act as if he is conducting an orchestra. At first nothing happen, then the music begins to play and energy fills the air. When a crescendo is hit, he strikes. The customer gains resistance Necrotic for 24 hours.
Pain and Misery: (Female Gnolls): Pain and Misery come equipped to ensure that the night is “fun”, though whether the customer enjoys it all depends on their skill. Players may make a DC 10 Performance or Athletic check or a DC 15 constitution saving throw. The character wakes up with half their HP; however they gain an inspiration point for staying the night.
Edit 1: Thanks to u/snakebite262 for being an absolute chad and providing 91% of the list... will be back to update soon but it’s midnight rn... so ima sleep Edit 2: I HAVE RETURNED! And I am going to proof read this list to check whether I have copied and pasted the same thing twice... also I have no idea what to do to get the list on the website so ima ask about that on discord
I am a 31 year old RN making $54,181.92 in rural MN
Combined ~$85k gross. Lots of changes since my last diary! I'm still long winded! Section One: Assets and Debt Retirement Balance: $2,178.34 - 6.5%. Employer will put in 7.5%, vested at 5 years. B and I work at the same place, I'm guessing his balance is around $30k as he's vested. Equity: I live with my fiance B. His 2 bed/1 bath house was paid off before we started dating. I'd say about $25k equity. VLCOL area. Savings account balance: $517 in a HYSA. Z's expense account: $245. I randomly put chunks of my child support in here to pay for school lunch and pictures, extracurriculars, co-pays, etc. Wedding fund: $0, I just paid the deposit for our photographer ($400) and bought save the dates ($133). Checking account balance: $1,831.04 Credit card debt: $4,055.62. Down $700 from my last diary when I was too scared to add the numbers up. I will hopefully be able to pay most of this off with my tax return. Student loan debt: $30,287.51 for my LPN program and ADN, still in my grace period from my attempt at my BSN last fall. I should be paying my interest but alas, I'm not. Clinic bill: $990.89. Somehow they got my old insurance company to cover my CT, so this is the remaining balance. Section Two: Income Main Job Monthly Take Home: $2300 for me. Just got a raise to $28.11 base and the shift differential was increased a bit. B brings home ~$1500 depending on how his on-call weeks fall. We are both hourly and get that sweet, sweet extra check 2x/year (looking at you January). We have separate accounts. Side gig: B is a volunteer firefighter and gets paid once a year in November. The amount depends on the number of calls he responds to. Last year it was about $1250 and he used it for Christmas spending. I pick up some OT here and there. Any Other Monthly Income: $531 child support Section Three: Expenses Pre-Tax Deductions Health insurance: $514/month for Z and myself (plus $1200/year deductible). Vision and dental: $81.54/month for Z and myself. FSA: $140/month. I'm able to flex daycare as well as health care costs. Will be adjusted in January to about $250/month and I'm going to cry when I see my paychecks. Monthly Expenses Rent/mortgage: B's house is paid off. My daughter Z lives with us the majority of the time, and B's stepson E is here every other weekend. Home insurance: $127, B pays. It's combined with his car insurance. Savings contribution: I aim for $200 into the wedding fund, $150 into the emergency fund. I haven't put anything in since September since I'm paying to get out of my old house (ending contracts, dumpster fees, final bill payments). Debt payments: credit cards - $170, clinic bill - $100. B throws money towards a snowblower he bought last month on a 0% interest promo, his only debt right now. Amount owed is $1600 - it's a pretty sweet machine. Donations: ad hoc throughout the year, most ends up going to the kids' schools. Electric: Between $60-160 depending on the season, B pays. I will cover more day to day expenses in the summer to make up for it. Natural gas: $56, B pays. Watesewegarbage: ~$60, B pays. School lunch: $46. I pay. Daycare: $29/week school year rate. I reimburse myself from my FSA. Groceries: Around $400 for all of us. B and I trade off. Wifi: $75, B pays. Bed payment: $140/month, 4 months left. I paid half up front and financed the rest. I pay. Car payment: $405.27 for my car. B's car and truck are paid off. Cellphone: $275. 4 unlimited lines, 3 phone payments (ouch we're dumb), and $8/month for Z's new tablet. I went through our bill line by line and was shocked at how much I was paying for stuff we didn't need, like visual voicemail and high tier insurance, so I cut it way back. I pay. Subscriptions: $84 for Netflix, Hulu Live, Apple storage for Z, Pandora Premium (couldn't give up my playlists) and Dollar Shave Club. I pay and share. Prescriptions: $14 out of my FSA. Eyelash extensions: $120 Amazon subscribe and save: It varies, but ~$40 for energy drinks and OTC meds every month. Other stuff like paper products, furnace filters and litter genie refills as needed. I pay. Other Expenses Property Taxes: $507/year. B pays. Amazon Prime: $59/year, still on my student email. I pay and share with B. Pet expenses: 3 dogs and 1 cat combined! $33.49/month dog food. $28.60/every 3 months cat food & litter (all through Chewy). $240/year for doggie haircuts. I pay for all this, plus my animals' shots as needed. B pays for his dog's shots and treats/toys. We keep going back and forth on pet insurance, although I know we should just get it. Car insurance: $258.50 every Feb/August for my car. Car registration: $293/year, also due in Feb. Z's extracurriculars (dance and taekwondo): ~$600/year, depending on costume/shoe costs. I pay. Day 1: Saturday 10/26 12 AM: I still don't sleep at night, even on my days (nights?) off. I spend time online designing our wedding and reception invitations, updating our wedding website and searching for a bakery. I'm quite pleased with my progress. We have a reception venue, DJ, photographer, officiant and are doing our own food. Just need desserts and a ceremony space. 3 AM: Titanic is on! I've seen it approximately 187 times and still cry every time Rose lets Jack go. I put on some nail polish strips (yes they are Color Street, please don't kill me) and make a bag of popcorn. Kick myself for the popcorn because I'm supposed to be IF. 6:30 AM: Head downstairs to sleep. Spoiler alert: I don't. B wakes up at 7:30, gets a few minutes of cuddles and goes upstairs. Dink around on social media for a while and drink almost my entire 40 oz water bottle. Why am I always so thirsty when I go to bed? Make a mental note to track my water intake. 10:05 AM: The dogs are barking frantically at the air. B lets them out to play in the yard for a while. Bed payment comes out of my account. I eventually fall asleep. 3:15 PM: B comes down to wake me up. We are going to see one of my favorite local bands at the casino and staying overnight. It's a Halloween party and I can't wait to see the crazy costumes. We had a garage sale last month and hoarded some of that money for this weekend. I pack a few things in the overnight bag and trudge upstairs for a body shower. I clean my eyelashes with special foam soap and wash my face with Cerave Hydrating face wash in the shower. Get out to brush and seal my eyelashes, put some hydrocortisone on my eyelids to fend off my eczema, and apply COSRX BHA Blackhead Power Liquid to the rest of my face. Still don't wear makeup. Brush my teeth and spritz on Poison Girl by Dior perfume. Look at me with the grown up products! I refresh my waves with a DIY spray bottle of LA Looks Gel and water and I'm ready to go. Somehow, B is not despite being up since 7:30. 🙄 4:30 PM: We put the dogs in the garage and head to my old house to put my couch and recliner on the curb since it's a surprisingly nice day, 62°. Fingers crossed someone picks them up. We stop for beer (B pays $29.15) and fill up my car with gas ($28, I pay). I send an e-gift card ($40) to a coworker for her baby shower gift and drink a Monster Zero Ultra during the ride. 5:45 PM: Check into the hotel. I pre-paid in July so no charge today. Break my fast with a Redd's - I fully intend to overindulge tonight. 6:45 PM: Head down to the casino restaurant for supper. I get breaded shrimp, B orders boneless wings. We both drink water to prep for the long night. $30 with tip, B pays since I got the hotel. One of my CNAs messages me about getting their asses chewed in report. Sigh. 8:00 PM: Slot machine time!! I lose $40, go figure. We meet up with a bunch of friends from work and get ready for the show. 10:30 PM: I am front row center with the band. I love these guys! They play covers but dang, they are talented. I scream my head off, take tons of Snapchats, dance with my friends and drink too many beers. Best costume: Big Bird, who sheds yellow feathers all over the dance floor. Daily total: $108 Day 2: Sunday 10/29 1:00 AM: Show is over and I am officially tipsy. B manages to get me up to our room after I win back $20 on the slots. Our best man randomly stops up for a beer. I have the good sense to rinse off the sweat and apply a vitamin C cream to my face. Adult time ensues, and we pass out around 3:30. 8:18 AM: I'm up! We spent $60 on beers and tips last night. My throat is killing me from all the yelling. We cuddle for a while and talk about how much I needed a night out. I've been stressed lately between fighting with my mom about wedding planning, finances and feeling a lack of respect at my job. B assures me for the 15th time that he's fine with our money set up, and I finally break down and text my boss. I brush my teeth and we check out of the hotel. 9:45 AM: I feel like garbage so obviously I need McDonald's breakfast. ($6.19) Stop to make sure my tires are aired up properly and finish the journey home. PSA: temp changes dramatically affect your tire pressure. Take care of your tires. 10:20 AM: The dogs are very happy to see us. Our incredibly nice neighbor lets them out when we are gone. We play in the yard for a while, then I unpack our bag and start some laundry. B makes a pizza for himself. 12:30 PM: My eyelids are twitching which means my body is tired. Bring my youngest dog to bed and have a very nice nap after catching up on some Money Diaries and chugging more water. 4:45 PM: The dogs are once again barking frantically and the next thing I know, Z is in my bed! Her grandma brought her home, what a gem. It was Z's cousin T's birthday today, so Z got up at 5:30 to make and serve T breakfast in bed with grandma's help. Z is such a sweet kid. She tells me she wants purple eyeliner for Halloween; she's going as Elsa. I need to replace mine anyways so I find a set with 3 colors on Amazon and pull the trigger on a purple sweater that's been in my cart since August. ($50.58) She watches YouTube videos on her iPad while I scroll the interwebs. 5:30 PM: B makes supper. He fries some burgers and makes French fries in the air fryer. After we eat, we settle into the living room and watch It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown. Sundays are family movie night in our house, but we're all too tired to start anything else. Z is out by 8 which is early even for her 6 year old standards. B turns on the World Series and I fall asleep immediately. 10:15 PM: The dogs want to go out, so I oblige. Throw the ball for our lab a few times, but it's 34° so the little dogs don't last long. B wakes up from his recliner nap and goes down to bed. I turn on HGTV for beach night. I'm so jealous of all these people living on the ocean. My fav CNA texts me about her night at work. I'm immediately frustrated at the way she's being treated but I try to calm her down. She contemplates requesting a meeting with the boss, and I encourage her to do so. Daily total: $116.77 Day 3: Monday 10/28 12:30 AM: My schedule changed last month to every Tu-W-Th, but this week I work M-Tu-W so I can take Z trick or treating. So I stay up watching HGTV and texting with the girls at work. 2:36 AM: I don't hear B come upstairs and I scream when he says "boo!" He drinks a glass of milk and goes back down to bed. I make popcorn and start reading a random YA book that was free on my Kindle app. I can't really do anything around the house when I stay up because Z's bedroom is right off the living room, and our bedroom is in the basement along with the washer and dryer. The floors are creaky in too many spots and B is a light sleeper. I mostly cuddle with the dogs. 4:00 AM: Decide to lay in bed and keep reading. I have to kick the cat out of my spot and she's meowing in protest. B's alarm goes off at 4:45 and I fall asleep shortly after he goes to work. 7:20 AM: Now it's my alarm going off. Z is already awake so I ask her to get ready for school. She argues with me every morning because "school is boring mom!!" Only 7 months left until summer break... I stop at the old house to turn on the heat so the pipes don't burst, and drop Z off at school. Nobody picked up the couch, dang it. 8:15 AM: The cell phone and Hulu withdrawals hit my account, and I spend a few minutes categorizing transactions in my bank app. Pick up around the house a bit and Swiffer up dog hair. It's amazing how much our lab sheds. 11:00 AM: I'm back in bed with my Kindle book. Eventually fall asleep. 5:15 PM: My alarm goes off. I send a message to Z and make sure she's home (she is). We got her set up with Messenger for Kids a few weeks ago and she's obsessed. I get dressed for work, brush my teeth, put some dry shampoo on my roots and some BHA on my face. Grab last night's leftovers and out the door I go. My CNAs are so happy to see me. Drink my Monster during report per usual. 9:45 PM: 6-10 is always the busiest part of our shift, but tonight goes smoothly knock wood. I even remembered to get my votes in on DWTS. Wtf is Spicer still doing there?! I heat up my two burger patties with cheese (no bun), grab a yogurt and some carrots for dinner. I do OMAD on work days. I've lost 18 pounds so far! Daily total: $0 Day 4: Tuesday 10/29 1:30 AM: THE COMPUTERS ARE BEING SO SLOW AND I WANT TO DIE. 2:01 AM: The entire system is down now. FML. 2:56 AM: We talk about a tattoo my coworker wants to get on her ass. Apparently a local tattoo shop is running a Halloween special this weekend. She's 20 and it shows, but I love her to pieces. She recently went through a health scare with a tumor in her humerus, but it's thankfully benign and I'm glad to have her back at work. 4:10 AM: The computer system is finally back up so I finish my charting. Check out the web for stamps for wedding stuff. I find a deal on eBay and order 400. ($163.96) The first part of my child support is deposited so I move some money into Z's account and round up my savings to $600. 5:30 AM: We still have the same morning routine: B brings Z to work with him, and I drop her off at daycare when I get done with work. It was a great shift tonight! 6:30 AM: Z has a complete breakdown at daycare when I drop her off, which is very unlike her. I think she's used to spending Monday evenings with me and is thrown off this week. She's always a little attached when she comes back from her dad's. I get home to shower and wash my hair, which is my least favorite chore. I wash with Shea Moisture Coconut and Hibiscus shampoo, condition with Suave Essentials Coconut conditioner and brush it with the conditioner in. Put in some smoothing cream, gel and toss it in a tee shirt. My hair is to the middle of my back, so this is a freaking workout. Use the Vit C cream on my face again. Let the dogs out and put them away in the garage before I go downstairs to read and fall asleep around 11. B comes home on his lunch break every day and lets the pups out. 5:00 PM: I'm up. Normal pre-work drill. B says that one of the girls from work wants the couch, so we go to load it up and it's already gone!! Thank goodness. I drop Z off at taekwondo and head to work. 6:30 PM: Boss is still here so we have a good chat which results in me crying in his office. Embarrassing… Drink my Monster and get working. 10:17 PM: Another decent evening. I didn't bring any leftovers so I raid the kitchen and make myself a taco salad with lettuce, black olives, tomatoes, cheese, ground beef and sour cream. Yum. Daily total: $163.96 Day 5: Wednesday 10/30 2:21 AM: Is there something in the water this week? Busier than last night, but still have plenty of downtime. I decide to stay on Reddit so I'm not tempted to shop for more wedding stuff. 3:29 AM: I hit up Amazon for some dry mouth lozenges for one of my residents. I generally do not make special purchases like this. ($6.78) My coworker mentions she needs a new TV and she's in luck, because B and I have too many now that we live together. 6:30 AM: I drop Z off at daycare without any issues and meet my coworker at my old house. She picks a 43 inch smart TV and I make $125! Head home for my abbreviated morning (night?!) routine: rinse face, vit C cream, brush teeth. My oldest dog is acting crazy so I give her some extra attention. Head to my eyelash appointment at 7:30 ($25 + $5 tip, budgeted above). 8:11 AM: I'm in bed with the cat. No place I'd rather be, it's 21° this morning. Browse Reddit for a while, then read until I fall asleep around 10. 4:00 PM: Same shit, different day. I'm up a little earlier because Z has started going to her dad's on Wednesdays. I work and B has dart league every week. Our save the dates were delivered and I'm so happy with them! I pick Z up at 4:30, hand my monthly check over to daycare and then drive Z to her dad's. Trip takes about 45 minutes total. Today was Z's last day of school for the week, so her stepmom will bring her home sometime in the morning. 5:44 PM: The Humane Society where I adopted my cat is asking for donations of Snuggle Safe heat pads. I order one on Amazon and have it shipped straight to them. ($32.34) I try to send items to them 3-4 times a year. Kiss B goodbye as we both head out the door. 11:00 PM: Holy crap it's been busy. Finally get to sit down and attempt to catch up on my charting, which takes about 30 minutes longer than normal tonight. Daily total: $39.12 Day 6: Thursday 10/31 12:30 AM: B is done with darts and brings me THE BEST steak cubes at work. I'm starving and still pretty busy so I wolf them down along with as much water as my stomach can hold. 2:39 AM: Finally a breather. I address save the dates and have a major hand cramp when I'm done. I gotta figure out a way to print these for our invitations. 4:03 AM: My FSA reimbursement comes through. I leave it in my checking to cover the daycare payment I just dropped off. 6:30 AM: I'm free!! Best part of my job is the 3 day work weeks. Go home, body shower, brush my teeth and let the dogs out. It's 16° this morning so none of them want to play. Ha. I am also exhausted from not getting my 8 hours of sleep all week, but it's been so hard to wind down after work lately. I cuddle with the dogs for a while and go down to bed to read. B took the day off, and having him in bed with me during the week is strange. I finally fall asleep around 11:30. 4:03 PM: Z comes down in her Elsa costume and demands that I do her eyeliner. She's pumped for trick or treating. I brush my teeth and throw on jeans and a tee shirt. 4:45 PM: Time to head out. We hit a couple businesses and go up to our work where they serve free supper every Halloween. We get hot dogs, chips and a cookie each. Then we walk the neighborhood around my dad's place. We stop at a family friend's house, and she comments on my weight loss. Score! The scale is hard for me to believe since my clothes still fit the same. I sneak a couple swigs of Fireball while we walk because it's 37° and I'm cold. Z ends up with 2 full buckets of candy. 7:00 PM: We're home just in time for Grey's Anatomy! I'm really not enjoying this season but after 14 years of watching this show, it's hard to stop. 8:05 PM: Z gets herself ready for bed and I tuck her in. She's beat. I watch a couple episodes of The Simpsons' Treehouse of Terror marathon. Daily total: $0 Day 7: Friday 11/1 1:24 AM: Next thing I know, the dogs are barking to go outside. B and I both fell asleep in the living room. I take care of the dogs and make some popcorn before stealing some Kit Kats out of Z's Halloween haul. 3:00 AM: I go downstairs to read as usual, but I'm out by 3:30. 11:36 AM: Y'all, I was tired. 12 total hours of sleep later and I'm feeling much better. The stamps arrived so I finish our save the dates. B goes to get groceries and pick up E, since he has an early out from school today. Z is still laying in bed 🤣 1:30 PM: Z's dance teachers send out emails regarding costume prices. Our total will be $164 this year, and I have plenty in Z's expense account to cover it. They'll charge my card later this month. I spend some time in my bank app categorizing transactions and moving money around. My account rounds up all my transactions to the next dollar and puts that money into my savings account, and $12.14 was moved this week. I sign up for Disney Plus and update my subscriptions expense to $92. Text with my bestie about wedding planning and my work wife about random stuff. 2:10 PM: E is home! B bought about $200 worth of groceries and random house stuff: fancy frozen pizzas, popcorn, cheese, chicken patties, bread, sandwich meat, milk, cereal, tortillas, black olives, onion rings, tater tots, freezer bags, paper plates, Little Debbie snacks, cold medicine for E, deodorant, body wash, a carbon monoxide detector, dog treats, and I don't even know what else. I'll get the next big haul. He also bought razors and tells me the handle on his DSC one broke, so I go online and order a couple replacements since our next box doesn't come for 6 weeks. ($18.49) My no-spend day is shot, so I order vape juice since it's on sale. ($47.57) I'm 4 months cigarette free and didn't include that little detail in my last diary. 2:46 PM: B gets a fire page. It's a possible gas leak so it should be a quick one. They usually just sit around until the gas company shows up. I hang out with the kids and E catches me up on his week. 4:00 PM: B is home. No gas leak, just overly concerned neighbors. E turns on season 2 of Stranger Things and we make the frozen pizzas for supper. 7:00 PM: E requests to play board games. My allergies are acting up so I don't join. I feel guilty but my headache praises me. We tend to get rowdy on game night. It's also a hair wash night but I can't be bothered. 9:35 PM: Tuck Z into bed and she's asleep almost immediately. The rest of us aren't too far behind her. E lets the dogs out and I fill up my water bottle. I'm in bed reading at 10. Daily total: $66.06 Weekly Total: $493.91 I AM SHOOK Ending checking account balance: $1421.96 Food + Drink: $6.19 Fun + Entertainment: $100 Home + Health: $18.49 Clothes + Beauty: $50.58 Transport: $28 Gifts + Donations: $79.12 Other (vaping and stamps): $211.53 Lastly, reflect on your diary! I purposely chose this week because I knew it would be busy. Going to the casino and staying overnight was a rare treat, although that little trip was kinda 'free' since we used the garage sale money. I also don't buy $165 worth of stamps every week. shrug I opened a Simple account in August and it has changed my life. It automatically creates envelopes for my money so I'm never concerned about paying my monthly/recurring expenses. All these sinking funds and savings goals are new to me and I'm so proud of myself for setting even this small amount aside. I have never earned interest on my money before. November will be the last month I pay for my old house. I didn't include the expenses because they are already set aside. Breaking the contract for deed was awkward but necessary. I broke down over the summer when I was getting $200 electric bills and it was still 76° in my house, along with my contract holder seemingly stalking me. I'll be moving any extra money first to my CCs then student loans. If I don't muck up, I can be debt free in about 3-4 years. Thankfully, B is totally on board with this. We are also cash-flowing our wedding, aiming for a $5k budget. B covers most of the bills and I pay for most wedding stuff, and it works for us.
My first ever acid trip was at a Heavy Metal festival on a cruise ship
This is quite a long read, I am also not an english major or anything; so I apologize if my grammar is not 100% on point. I wrote down everything as I remembered it, most of it was written down right after my experience in early January. Hope you enjoy the read, there is a link to a spotify play list I made that displays the bands I was listening to on the boat, and some other honorable mentions who's music I feel fits the mood and attitude of what is going on. Consuming Chaos Introduction: Before reading this, I have never once taken any psychedelics of any kind before. This day, my curiosity got the better of me, as I managed to lose my mind and regain it over the course of what felt like a million years. For those reading that do not know, this happened on 70,000 TONS OF METAL! The luxury mecca of heavy metal festivals; this is not some radio metal shit. This year contained amazing bands like Atheist, At the Gates, Candlemass, Devin Townsend, Emperor, Possessed, Wintersun among many other big hitters in the international metal scene. This particular experience happened on the last day of the boat. This day in particular on 70,000 tons of metal is an insane shit show of amazing bands, people dressing up in THE MOST RIDICULOUS costumes you can think of. Everyone is getting completely wasted, high, tripping balls, getting their hands on everything they can, and yet chaotically loving everything and everyone around them. For anyone who is interested I highly recommend going, this festival is an amazing big family of fun loving people. (Side note: There is a playlist I made to follow the events and mood of my experience on the boat. I will post the setlist after the story, and where you can go listen to it.) 14:45 - Last day of 70k, Star Lounge Wilderun has started playing "Far from Where Dreams Unfurl". After talking to my friend about acid, I finally give in to my own inhibitions. I start with one hit. Ask all the details, what to do, how to take it, what to expect, how long until it starts, and how long does it last. After Wilderun we head off to Soen for some Tool esque metal riffage. By the end of the set I start to feel light, almost like I'm floating. Meeting up with some friends I find myself starting to laugh uncontrollably at nothing. After eating some pizza, we head up to the pool deck for Finntroll. 16:30 - Pool Deck I'm on the pool deck, Finntroll has started playing. The banners of the pool deck stage are down due to high winds, the sun is radiating down on the stage and crowd with a celestial warmth. They're dressed up like trolls??? With long ears, and crazy pagan style face paint. All the colors seem to be sticking out more than usual, I start to settle into my first trip, one that will be more ridiculous than I could have ever imagined. In the pit I can feel the ship moving down and dragging me with it, as the moshers jump, dance, and push each other around in joyous pandemonium. I think to myself "maybe they don't know that they will potentially push the ship right into the ocean" but my concerns are fleeting at this point, and I join in the chaos. Amongst the horde is a pink power ranger, thor, jesus with an infinity gauntlet, a Cutethulhu, (No I will not explain) Mugatu and many other ridiculous costumed metal heads. While committing myself to the heathen rituals, people's faces start to pop out more to me. Their features, eye colors, all of what seems to be their essence and auras reaching out to grab my eyes attention. At this point people start flying amongst the crowd to my amazement, I can do nothing but laugh at the madness. Halfway through the set my friends and I decided that we needed to catch November Doom's set, where I get into another laughing fit that lasts most of the way to the next concert. 17:00 - Studio B: Ice Rink We reach the front stage, Novembers Doom starts off with this dark mix of death and doom metal that engulfs me in a sense of dread (but like fun dread). At first moving from the happy, joyful chaos of Finntrolls set, to this new black hole in the ship has me on edge; especially as this is when I find out Neil Peart is dead. But soon I find myself entranced by the melody's seeping forth from the stage. The music switches to a slow chorusy part with the dark clean vocals to match it. Accompanied by the strong waves of the ocean swaying the boat from side to side, and a beautiful woman who dressed up as some kind of spectre bounded by chains seems to be synchronized to the rhythm of this bleak dismal music. At this point I'm fully encapsulated in my trip, I find myself laughing and smiling at everything while also just swaying to the motion of this beautifully dark music. When the song ends, the singer states that he apologizes for playing "pussy shit, when this is a fucking metal cruise" another crowd member comments, and I losing all sense of keeping thoughts in my head decide that I am kind of offended that pussy isn't considered metal. So without missing a beat I yell out "I fucking love pussy". The singer taken aback by the statement responds with a " Wow man you can't say that out loud, there are women here". Offended again, though I decide to keep to myself, thinking over and over again "well duh there are women here, and they should know they are fucking metal and loved". But as I look back on it, I probably just come off as an intoxicated pervert. After another song we decide to leave so we can catch Toxik. 17:40 - Casino / Royal Theater On our way to the next venue to see Toxik play all of "Think This" we walked through the casino and I was instantly mesmerized by the amazing colors reflecting off of every wall. Practically oozing out and reaching out to me like a visual sirens song. We keep going past it and end up watching Toxik. Though nothing special about, I heard the songs that I truly love off the album and I decided that I was too wet and filthy to be out and about. I leave the venue and walk back to my room, when I start another laughing fit that lasted the entire walk to the room. I ran into my good friend Matt and his entourage all dressed up as President Trump, Melania, and secret service escort; all of whom were definitely in character acting their part. Following up this hilarious ensemble was a group of very serious security guards looking for someone, and then and I leave this room I walk by a group of people sitting down listening to some man speaking. I was off put and confuzzled when I heard him say "sometimes partying is fun but the party has to end eventually". I thought I had just walked into an AA meeting, though I'm sure they we're just as insulted as I continually laugh my ass off at the insanity of this whole thing. I then get into an elevator where I stare at the wall mesmerized by the movement of this inanimate material. I get off on the wrong floor and walk two floors down when I go down a very dizzying hallway. End up in my room, shower, and now it is time for dinner. 18:45 - Fancy Dining Hall / Pool Deck As I meet up with my friends, I am firmly believing I am not high enough (I was). So I take another hit of acid. At dinner we overpower the chefs with numbers. Food is taking forever to come out, and we start pounding on our tables creating a wave of people pounding on tables and slowly stopping, as it moves around the entire dining hall. My friend Nick and I get fed up waiting for food and decide to leave the dining hall after an hour ( I cannot believe these chefs put up with us). We end up on the pool deck as a nice warm wind is blowing, the moon is high in the sky, and Epica is playing their beautiful "Design your Universe" album. While never really being a fan of the band, I've been wanting to check them out. I definitely was not disappointed, as my next hit of acid started to sink in adding onto the effect of the previous one. I feel light, like I could fly. The guttural vocals set up the mood for some awesome heaviness, when out of nowhere I am brought down by this insanely beautiful voice of the female singer. I become completely enveloped by her very being. Her beauty is jaw dropping as her red hair is bleeding outwards in a sort of cloud. Her voice becomes all that I want to hear, and her dress seals the deal. Shining and reflecting light in a thousand directions, catching my eyes. I become obsessed trying to process every little atom of light beaming from her essence. Quickly though my squirrel like mind is distracted by the crazy keyboardist crowd surfing with his wacky portable keyboard. As I enjoy the music, I think to myself "I never brushed my teeth after I showered". I then run to my room, determined to clean my unholy mouth of its sins. I get there and my friends are there. I tell them "Epica is fucking killing it on the pool deck" they ask "why I am here?", I respond "to brush my teeth"... (and yet they think I'm the weird one). We then go back to Epica, where they are in fact, fucking killing it. After the show, I'm thirsty and must consume! At the bar I order a pina colada, and end up staring at the bar counter as the marble-like shapes start to morph into crazy geometric shapes. "I've entered a new world" I think to myself. 21:00 Wandering I end up walking with friends, not really caring about conversation, or finding any of the amazing people I've been meeting on this cruise. Instead, I am looking for new shapes, new colors, new portals in which I can enter a world past the aether. We get to the shiny room (casino), a place of wonder and laughs a plenty. This is where I all of a sudden remember that my friend gave me my other friends acid. So I'm wandering with more fuel to enter the netherrealms, such endless potential being wasted in my pocket. I then carelessly give all the acid to two lovely girls I have just met. No idea why, I think I just didn't want drugs on me. I already have what I want in this world, endless laughter, and shiny things. Before Emperor goes on we decide to go back to my room for alcohol. Here we pack way too many lovely humans into the room, drinking, and enjoying each other's company. We decide to leave for the show, as my acid buddy decides to take the long way to the show by waving his hands, running, and screaming down the hallway. I was tragically left bending over against the wall, laughing my ass off to the ridiculousness. 22:00 - Pool Deck Back on the pool deck the seductive, colorful music of Epica has long since faded. An eerie darkness has swallowed the night. Satanic magicks flow through the air, unleashing its blasphemous cacophony on the ears of feeble humans; the mighty Emperor is blasting away. The dim blue lights emanating from all around, as high winds are pushing the streams of a phantom's very being into reality, crisscrossing the crowd as the wind whips around every corner. I catch some of this ghost’s essence… oh wait this is just toilet paper. It's a toilet paper ghost. "Righteous" I think and laugh to myself. I run into the same two girls who I gave acid to in the depths of the shiny room, where I end up fiending for more. They so graciously provide me the last hit of acid, of which I quickly devour. May Satan bless these two awesome women. 23:30 - The Promenade / Studio B I am walking to Sorrento's for endlessly alright pizza being served! I must consume before I search for alternate realities. Though I am sweating like a pig (just clammy from the acid) so I go back to my room to wash up again. Afterwards I teleport to the casino (no memory of how I got there), when one of my friends is saying that we all must see Havok and they are starting soon. Finally another quest to fulfill. I get there way before the show starts, I'm about to leave for a drink, when Havok starts playing Rush. I decide to stay, and all of a sudden President Trump and his entourage has arrived. This time taking up the center floor of the venue, not allowing anyone near him without a pat down and an ID check. The show has begun, and little did I know that reality was about to shift. A circle pit the likes of which I've never seen is forming around Donald Trump. I too join in this dance of death, not a path one walks, but a path one must stomp. After a healthy dose of killing, I stop while my friend Mugatu hands me his dog, sunglasses, and cigar. Takes an amazing picture of me and then joins in the dance. At this point I start to lose all sense of reality, my third hit is starting to take full effect. My eyes are barraged by the twisting and turning of 4th dimensional sacred geometry (or whatever you spiritual people), when a glitch in this realm forms out of the pit. The bass player is now both on the stage and in the crowd. A raver, cookie monster, Donald Trump, a clown, pink power Ranger, and more computer simulations keep forming from nowhere. I realize the fault in this simulation as it breaks down in my mind, and the crowd being visualized as other worldly fakes realizes I am aware of the break in their illusions. I then fill with anxiety realizing this was a game, I leave the venue, stuffing the fake dog in between two chairs. 00:10 Stuck between worlds The walk back to my room is a complete blur, as I enter, my roommates are leaving. I then proceed to shower again, I get completely naked besides my shirt, and lay in bed. In total darkness, light appears from nowhere as I am being sucked into another dimension. I feel myself leave my body, unable to control the flow of shapes and colors assaulting my mind; I am gone. I start to focus and I reenter my body. Confused about what has happened, I realize I am stuck in this sick game. My fears come forth, manifested as a sick vision of colors, the sounds of deep reverberating throat singing; Ohm's of foreboding demise. I clench my fists, curl up, and feel as if my eyes are crawling into the back of my mind. Sight becomes a subconscious thought as a swirling discord of reflections within reflections twists and contorts my minds eye. I sweat profusely as the pain of existing in this unreality becomes overbearing. I lash out and scream for it to end, knowing full well that this nightmare is never ending, I look back on myself from up high and see the cosmos poor from my body as a slimy green ooze. I slowly drift down to this mortal coil and come back to this realm, never to re-enter that universe again. 00:20 till 05:00 Lost but Found I lay melting once again, over the intercom "Alpha Alpha Alpha Deck 11, poolside". Someone must be hurt. I feel the urgent need to get up and help. But FIRST! I must shower. I get into the bathroom and decide there is no time for purifying my dreadful shell. I get dressed, and off I am to wander down this mind numbing hallway of geometric chaos, laughing at the thought of my friend Nick running and screaming down this hallway like a madman earlier. I find myself still laughing as I get off an elevator to find a man surrounded by medical personnel, he is bleeding, and all I can think is "these damn medics cannot even clean the air of his blood… Oh wait, I'm still high as fuck". I walk towards the pool deck to find Exodus is finalizing their "Bonded by Blood" set. When the almighty Andy "THA SKIPPA" (thinking in a boxing match announcers voice) comes out to greet the fans and update us on how awesome this year was, and what to expect next year. When he's done, he jumps into the crowd to surf the many waves of loyal boaters. Exodus then continues to do what they do best, thrash! They end their set with a wall of death, and the downright sinister commitment to do the TOXIC WALTZ! I skank this set away, and head down to the promenade for some late night pizza. I find my roommates and chat with them when I realize I need a god damn towel. I dry up, and continue wandering, enjoying the sites as the visions begin to fade. I am finally at the best place to end one's cruise. On the pool deck, enjoying karaoke, last minute partying and goodbyes with old and new friends. The night ends with me waiting for my brother to sing some muthatruckin Rammstein. I was supposed to film it, but as it is obvious by the lack of video online… I did not. I decide I am too tired, I must go back to my room and discover how such primitive non celestial magic wielding humans sleep again. I take a long walk back to my room, hoping to see some faces that I did not get a chance to say goodbye to. Maybe I'll see someone who gets to enjoy one of my overbearing hugs of death, but alas that was not the case. I head to bed, I lay my head and realize once again, that even though this whole reality is a sham, I fucking love all these people. Playlist: Link: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2IMm5RCoPCWFxa4T934YTT?si=4cDHiARMRVCPEfPAAYxglQ 14:45 Star Lounge -
Wilderun - Far from Where Dreams Unfurl
Soen - Lascivious
16:30 Pool Deck -
Finntroll - Trollhammeren
Finntroll - Blodsvept
17:00 Studio B -
Novembers Doom - Ghost
Novembers Doom - Ever After
17:40 Casino / Royal Theater -
Toxik - Think This
Toxik - Greed
18:45 Fancy Dining Hall -
Wintersun - Starchild
Epica - Our Destiny
Epica - Burn to a Cinder
21:00 Wandering -
At the Gates - The Colours of the Beast
At the Gates - World of Lies
Devin Townsend - Love?
22:00 Pool Deck -
Emperor - Into the Infinity of Thoughts
Emperor - Curse You All Men!
23:30 The Promenade / Studio B
Ihsahn - Celestial Violence
Havok - F.P.C
Havok - Hang Em’ High
Havok - Ingsoc
00:10 Stuck Between Worlds
Atheist - Piece of Time
Vio-lence - Phobophobia
Wintersun - Beautiful Death
Wintersun - Death and the Healing
00:20 Lost but Found -
Havok - Wake Up
Exodus - Bonded by Blood
Exodus - The Toxic Waltz
Sometime before 05:00 on the Pool Deck - Karaoke songs
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